You can transform your relationships when you transform your own consciousness about them. How can you do this? The surest way is by first falling in love with YOU.
Begin by catching yourself whenever you think negative thoughts about yourself. This may be difficult – but not impossible – even if it is a habit for you to think about yourself this way.
Falling in love with yourself can begin when you start to
- accept that you have been simply acting from your programmed beliefs
- resolve to take steps to change that programming
- use these tips with others you feel may add to your deeper spiritual work
Deep self-healing involves meditating on the light or sun within. This is the most powerful way to connect with your true self. Your true being lives inside you at a higher state of awareness, unaffected by the noise or negative filters of the outer mind. By reaching your inner self, you can witness how it dissolves outworn patterns for you. This dissolution of unwanted energy records can be incremental or sometimes you may experience a more dramatic confirmation.
Unseating Old Beliefs
But to unseat deeply held, limiting thoughts and beliefs you must also do practical mind power work in addition to your meditation practice. I recommend taking time daily to list positive things about yourself, then add to it daily. When you do this, you’re feeding your conscious (physical awareness), subconscious (emotional awareness), and unconscious (mental awareness) with the divine truth from your super-conscious (spiritual awareness).
The truth that you can convey from that highest realm to all levels of your awareness is that you are perfect in the sight of Creation. And when you write these positive things, you’re tapping into the high awareness of yourself as worthy and deserving of anything and everything you’re asking for.
One thing to do immediately when negative thoughts appear is focus on what is wonderful in yourself, and in others. Make the decision that for this hour, and hour by hour if need be, you will focus on the positive instead.
You can actually use the negative thought creatively and allow it to become a trigger. Say, “Aha, there you are Mr. (or Ms.) Negative. Well, I choose to think such and so, so thank you for your opinion but you can leave my thoughts now.”
If you find you are about to blame or criticize anyone, yourself, another, anything, stop. Say the same thing to the negative part of your thought, that you are not joining in on that criticism. It’s as important to do this in defense of yourself as you would refrain from criticizing another.
Making Your Own Happiness a Priority
A method for creating a habit of seeing the best in everything and everyone is to, again, begin writing positively about it in your “feel-good” journal. You’ll be surprised at how writing like this for even 5 minutes in the morning during your quiet time will help you to set this as an intention. But really make an effort to prioritize your own happiness first. Make it the number one part of your life.
Personal happiness an inside job, yet you can reinforce it on the outer in many ways including this writing method.
Many people have been taught early on that being concerned about yourself is wrong. It isn’t, it’s enlightened because you can then be there for people in more positive and effective ways. Doing this daily creates a momentum, it creates a foundation of inner strength built on caring for yourself in basic yet necessary ways.
This is also the way to become free from any self-imposed responsibility for trying to make others happy. You can’t. You can be an example, an inspiration, a support. But your best gift to others is to simply respect and love them unconditionally. That means you let go, and allow them to care for their own internal state of happiness.
What have you been placing your attention on? When something good happens for another, do you say you feel joy for them but then find yourself later using it as an excuse to indulge in a self-pity party?
Instead of wallowing in thoughts like, “Why don’t nice things happen for me?” use these moments to teach yourself to put your attention on the things that really make you feel good. Transfer memories of good times to your present time and use them bathe yourself in good positive thoughts feelings.
It takes discipline to do this, but if you use that 5 minutes of writing to also feel good about yourself, you are creating a new habit. And when you do this daily for 21 days, you have developed a positive habit of affirming your self worth, your feelings of deserving joy, your good feelings about yourself. When you feel good about yourself, you invite others to feel good about you.
Others who value themselves are drawn to you by more than your outer persona, so be careful if you find yourself feeling someone won’t like you “because”.
If you decide you really feel like doing something about your own self image, take a trip to the spa. A massage, manicure and pedicure, or even a complete hair and cosmetic makeover can do wonders to boost your self-esteem. But do this ONLY because you love and respect yourself completely. Do it only as part of your internal happiness makeover. It isn’t usually enough on its own yet the outer and inner transformational work can work together to support you as you rebuild your self-image.
Important Questions to Ask Yourself
Another way to invite positive relationships into your life is to look at your current ones. Ask yourself if you expect others–loved ones, friends, acquaintances, or anyone–to behave according to your ideas and beliefs. Do you have opinions about how they “should” express themselves? Do you hold them in or express them?
Even opinions kept to yourself are felt energetically. Others may at some level feel the need to protect themselves or in some way hold you at a distance. Or they may have become dependent on your direction of their lives, whether spoken aloud or not.
These are the kinds of energy contracts that can hold you back. Yet you can powerfully release yourself from any unhappiness that, whether you believe it or not, is directly tied to your expectations for others. You do this by just letting those limiting concepts go.
In this way you are cutting old ties, giving yourself a breath of fresh air energetically. It will translate into energy you need physically, mentally and emotionally.
The ticket to your freedom is when you realize that no matter what anyone else says or does, you and you alone are responsible for your happiness.
If others choose to change their behavior on their own, you can still support them and be happy for them. But realize that what they do does not make you happy. The way you choose to feel about anything does. Only you can make you happy.
So begin now by simply writing something in your relationship journal. When you write that Creation sees and knows you as already perfect now, just as you are, you are reinforcing the truth. You are loving and respecting yourself completely.
Even taking small steps like this can begin the process of cementing the relationship with yourself. You are telling yourself and the Universe that the relationship with yourself is the most important one.
When you do this, you’re connecting with your own soul. And when you are connected with your soul you can more freely connect with the soul of another as well as with the Creator of All That Is.