Picture this: you’re feeling in touch with what’s in your heart and on your mind. You truly feel yourself to be walking down the path you’re on, respectfully and honorably ‘joining hands’ with those alongside you. But what if something in your experience changes, and you feel blocked to having this kind of abundance and joy, or to finding real meaning in your purpose for life?
First, be careful not to assume that you have to immediately make outer changes. Examine the truth that there’s really no prescribed or ‘best’ path to follow in life. You can determine to find your joy where you are now. Making any changes from this habit of mind helps you choose wisely.
The secret to personal success on all levels and the key to having it, right now, is first to find the unconditional regard within yourself that simply ‘likes’ who you are. That is the core of your belief no matter what changes occur. When you’ve tapped this, you might also feel like you can overcome any blocks you may encounter to truly liking others–even those who are not so easy to like.
Sounds easy in theory. And you might ask, isn’t ‘unconditional regard’ just another way of saying ‘unconditional love’? It can be. Let’s dig a little deeper to mine a universal truth: at basic levels, almost everyone wants to be appreciated, and to share emotional meaning with someone else. Finding this within yourself makes it possible to create an environment that supports others to do so, and with no strings.
You don’t have to work in customer service to develop and use this type of people-skill. The basic concepts are similar: just as excellent customer service helps people feel good about the company they do business with, it also helps them feel good about themselves. Ideally, a customer service representative truly likes and wants to help people.
The company you represent can be your own or owned by someone else; or just substitute the word ‘company’ for ‘you’, the individual, and see how you are similarly responsible for how you choose to be in relationship with anyone. Treating others the way you want to be treated makes more sense. You feel better. It fosters good will. It makes makes room for spiritual growth, for opportunity and even enjoyment.
What if you don’t know someone well enough to know if you can like them? Even if you can produce evidence to prove that someone is too difficult to like, or ‘undeserving’, it’s still in your best interest to develop the skill set that helps you look beyond appearances into the heart. Where ‘personality’ doesn’t exist.
Then, even if you make choices that no longer include doing business with someone who is just not worth the time and trouble, or to end unsafe or unhealthy relationships, you can do so with heart. And avoid falling into the trap of having to argue about it or even defend your decision–even to yourself, as I describe in my article on emotional poltergeists.
You may know people who naturally relate through the heart. What’s their secret? They like themselves. They may not be conscious of it, but they do like themselves. This makes it easier to find something to like about those around them, even the small things.
The good news is you can consciously create this habit. When you do, your life holds new meaning. Without this basic need to be liked, even – or especially – by yourself, where is the foundation for your true gifts, talents and skills? It can be undermined when your focus is on what’s not working, instead of on what is working or can be.
When you do focus on what you desire, you also find it’s easier to ‘allow’ others to enjoy their own specialness. Your gifts are enhanced because you are secure in them, and because you also feel good about the unique gifts of others. This is a subtle but powerful way to have more emotional meaning in life.
People are attracted to you when you allow them to be. But it’s more than just enlightened self-interest to appreciate your own individuality, your one-of-a-kind spark of light. Because your message truly is unique, and your idea of the kind of people you want to surround yourself with is magnetic and appealing to those very people.
To embrace the pure idea that your own happiness doesn’t rely on the outer appearances of others takes balance. Not only do you develop the ability to find something to like, true empowerment comes when you do so without compromising who you are, or without caving in to unreasonable demands.
This is how you begin to create more emotional meaning for yourself. You also create an energy around yourself that supports others to feel good, if they choose to. Some won’t, and you can’t force them. Others may simply need your comfort, they may be going through something so difficult that all they want is your loving support.
You may not always wish or be able to remove yourself from the vicinity of truly difficult people. If so you can keep quietly and sincerely creating the energy of “like” and inviting others who want to be in this space of comfort with you. You might be surprised at how naturally things change for the better. Or at least how differently you feel about being in difficult circumstances or around difficult personalities. And how much your heart can open when true support is the appropriate response.
But what if you must spend hours a day in an environment that, no matter how you try to feel differently, feels like it’s sucking the life out of you? What if you are just not surrounded by people who are to your liking, but it makes no sense to leave them. They may be dependent on you for your support or you for theirs and this is part of the challenge of close relationship. What if you’re where you want to be, or with those you choose to be with, but you’re just feeling stuck on how to even know what your purpose for life is and how enjoy it?
Then you may need more support than this or any article can offer. And I want to emphasize that there are no ‘one-size-fits-all’ techniques. Because if your circumstances are deeply trying, when sad things really do just happen, such as dealing with grief and loss, it does absolutely no good to blame yourself for somehow not having the correct consciousness. That is not why they happen. You are never at fault, even in the less difficult circumstances.
Sometimes things happen no matter what your habitual state of mind–it’s part of the random events of life. You don’t create every circumstance. And you don’t want unrealistic or unkind platitudes. You don’t need inappropriate advice to ‘find the good’ in something that is simply too tragic and painful. When you all you really require is comfort and healing.
Whenever you would like my spiritual healing support in any matter, call me if you have my phone number or if not, click here to learn how to schedule a confidential telephone session with me. I would honor the opportunity to be of service to you in any way I can.